Monday, 4 February 2013
How to write about England
When writing about England always use the words ' fellow' 'good old chap' 'rain' and 'tea'. Remember to always phrase your sentences in a very polite manner and always say please and thank - you. Always mention the weather, what its doing, what is isn't doing and what its likely to do. When having a cup of tea its always with a bourbon biscuit or a custard cream; unless your ultra posh you will be at the Ritz drinking english tea with a scone. No matter what the weather a great British pastime suffered by many is the post roast dinner walk on a Sunday (hopefully via the nearest pub) and don't forget your green wellies and barber jacket. Never make a fuss of yourself it is something that all Brits cannot stand. A clear example of fuss is complaining about poor service in a hotel, shop or restaurant, even if the soup is cold - say nothing. When writing about foreigners visiting England you must always write about them being very blonde and speaking with a terrible accent. All english people have a very good sense of humour, understanding and telling jokes is an important social life in this country. The British have a reputation for coolness and formality, so visitors are often surprised at the use of formilar forms of address such as: dear, love and darling, even with strangers. Always mention the incredible British pubs where most Brits will gather to watch a rugby game whilst drinking a pint of beer. Make sure to bring up the subject of Fish and Chips because a fish and chip supper is the oldest fast food take - away in Britain, perhaps in the World. You are now 100% fully British.